Strange what happens when you have the chance to write down your thoughts. The most unusual things come to mind. Some new ideas, old memories... Sometimes odd feelings and bitter sweet ones too.
Where to begin today...
Hmm, I suppose I should talk about myself for a bit, instead of indulging in my over analysis on everything.
I am 24 years old, and for the first time in a long time, I have no idea who I am anymore. I have no clue what makes me, me. I know for a fact that not all the experiences I have been through have been in vain. Somehow, I struggle to understand the meaning of "now"
Time is quite an odd thing for me; I am never really sure what moment I am in... Am I in the present, or if I am reliving moments of memory in my mind.
Does this make sense?
I doubt I make sense anymore; I have stopped expressing my thoughts after I met this man.
Well, technically - we haven't met -
A few months ago, I had a friend who lived in Finland. He was always quite abrupt and came across quite cold. He seemed quite intelligent and mysterious... I don't know why, but something about that made me gravitate towards him.
Let’s rewind a bit with the story...
I am a gamer. >please place nerdy image here<
Okay, its not that bad, but since an extremely young age, I have enjoyed playing games. I wouldn't say I was the best gamer, or the one with the highest scores, but I definitely enjoyed playing them anyways. We had a Sega console we used to play 24/7. My poor mother used to freak out because we would have the television blaring with our 32 bit graphics on the screen.
I wasn't the most athletic type, but I was always highly competitive. I guess, when I played tv games, it was a fun outlet for me and the family.
I am going to try and keep this blog on topic. :)
A few years ago, I started playing Star Craft 2. It’s a RTS game (Real time strategy) and requires quite a lot of focus. The game is complied of 3 different races.
The one is Zerg, the other Protoss and lastly the Terran.
Each of these have their own planets, units and stories. There are a few main characters in this game. Personally, it is one of my favorite games. I enjoy the story line and the online battles you can play with various players. There is an entire menu screen on the game where you can interact with hundreds of other players from all over the world... One big factor I really love about this game.
To cut a long story short - this guy and I began chatting to each other over a few games on Star Craft. I always felt a little unsure about him, and uneasy... In a strange way, I quite liked that.
Our chat conversations over Start Craft slowly moved to inboxing on Facebook. Unlike me, he had very few friends on his Facebook, he never even had a profile photo!
All of these things made me want to get to know him a little better...
And in time, after numerous inbox's over Facebook, we began getting to know each other on a completely different level.
We spoke about all kinds of wonderful things, from science, to art... Love, and films, Star Craft to Warfare, the list was endless! There wasn’t a topic we never mentioned in our letters. He became a very close friend to me.
I don’t know if I became over bearing, but I couldn’t wait to receive a new letter from him.
After time, our conversations got quite heavy and deep. It took more than an hour to respond to his mails most days... Slowly the magic between our mails faded away, I believe I smothered him. I dont think I should get into reason why on this blog. He seemed to have his thoughts and feelings under control.
Alas, this wonderful online friend has now become a distant memory.
The first few weeks of not writing were horrible. I longed to hear his thoughts and I missed writing mine down. It’s as if one of my closest friends had left me. And none of the events happening mattered. No one cared, no one understood.
So I made it my mission to make my life count. I tried new things, not only in hopes it would give me reason to talk to him again, but also make my life bearable & liveable.
Without him realizing, he helped me change my life, take action and be brave. I knew that these experiences would only benefit me, and make me more well rounded.
How is it possible to be so close to someone whom you haven't met before?
- Easy.
Our minds are wonderful things, and when I write to someone, and they return the favour, it lights something up in my soul. Especially someone far away... I would say I have quite a fascination with what is out there, and when I found common ground with this person, I felt so happy, grateful and thankful.
Every single moment that I captured as a memory seemed worthwhile, even the most mundane to the most extreme... because there was someone out there I could tell; someone out there that would find my ideas and thoughts a little different, as I found his.
So what is the relevance of this man to my issue? Trust I presume. I don’t know if I will find such a mysterious, intricate, thoughtful and intelligent man like him again. Why bother looking for someone on his caliber when I invested all my time speaking to him. Maybe in time, in saying this - I sent him an inbox on Facebook last night (the first time in a really long time) - and here I wait, in bated breath for his long awaited reply!
This blog has by far been the hardest to write...
By the way, the sketch is one I drew him from a photo on Facebook.
Until next time :)
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