Title.

Having a title has always been a big deal for me.

When I was at school, I used to imagine myself in a big maroon blazer and a shiny gold badge that was tightly pinned which said "SCHOOL PREFECT" on it. When that dream crashed and burned and my half baked attitude through out the year did not suffice, I wished for something bigger, maybe like an actor, or director, and when I went to art school, I forgot the prefect badge and dreamed of full colors on my blazer instead, a symbol of straight A's and remarkable performances through out my high school career, something I looked up at. A symbol for all my hard work and achievements throughout the years, and in my last year of school & when it was my final chance at achieving exactly that, I failed, again.

When I left school, I dreamed of the next best thing, after all, we are brought up to believe that not every successful person was in fact a success to begin with...
I shifted my focus onto film school, having incredibly high ambitions I discovered the most talented individuals that out shone my every vision, story or talent I ever possessed.
I was left with the same tears I carried most of my life - disappointed by my performance and the harsh reality that this shame was actually the only thing I ever really was able to pin onto me, I decided to find any old job in my early 20's... and that was working for my dad. And hey, at that age any money to cover my cheap behavior at the bar was absolutely perfect. My never ending abyss of dreams stopped right there, in the first sip of my ultimate escape...
I loathed the job at the butchery after time, and I tried with all my might to find a better profession.

I gave up on the arts, I knew that I did not posses the skills or confidence to work through any competitive industry, and after a good few years of grueling it out in retail, I actually somehow cracked the advertising world.
It was a massive ego booster - and incredible upliftment off the ground, a place where all my tears finally dried up, even though I was treated like absolute shit - I had a title. And that title had a name, and that name had an identity, and that identity began molding - me.

After a good few years in the advertising world, I met an amazing man online, and to fast forward the story a little... I moved to Norway.
And now, after all these years of defining my career and it success, I sit in a predicament
where I was in my 20's.

It's strange.
I have no title, it is ripped from me.
My mold is smashed, I have lost a part of me.
I don't know where to start, or where to turn.
I have absolutely no confidence in myself, and I feel the tears of all the years are pinning me down and holding me down.
I am about to drown.

What am I without my title.
Where could I ever go, without my title.